P.S....I love you....

In time you will find that to be happy with someone else, you first need to not need that person, you will find also that the person you love, or think you love, who doesn't want to have anything to do with you, is not the person for your life. You will learn to like yourself, to take care of yourself, principally to like who likes you. The secret is not to chase after butterflies; it's to take care of the garden so that they come to you. In the end, you will find not who you were looking for, but who was looking for you.

I promise...
I will never love someone the way that I loved you ...ever again.
that I will never forget the times that you made me laugh and smile.
that I will never forget the feeling I got in my stomach when you squeezed me a little tighter.
I will always remember that achy feeling I got in my heart because it couldn't handle the the feeling when I realized how much I was really in love with you.
I will never forget the inside jokes we made together and the times we laughed about them.
I will always remember the way you made me feel ok when I felt embarrassed and then did something even more embarrassing to yourself to try to make me feel better.
I will never forget the feeling of our skin next to each other.
I will never forget the feeling I got when we kissed, even when it was a quick kiss.
I will never forger how good it made me feel when you looked in my eyes.

I will never forget all the times we cried together, or when you comforted me when I was crying.
I will never forget the good times, because they make up for all the bad.
I will never forget the phone calls or the text messages that would make my day no matter wat we were going through.
I will always keep the things you gave me and remember that you gave them to me just because you knew it would make me smile.
I will always remember the feeling my body got when you would touch me or put your hands around my waist.
I will never forget the times when you made me feel beautiful.
I will never forget how it didnt matter what I was wearing, or if I had no make up on, you still wanted to see me.
I will never forget the nights we stayed in just to watch t.v. just so we could spend the night together.
I will never forget the nights I slept in your arms and everytime you woke up and I may have moved just the littlest bit away you would pull me closer to you and wrap your arms around me tight.
I will never forget the feeling that I got when i got to wake up next to you and start my day off with seeing you before anyone else.
that I will always love the way you laughed and miss hearing it.
that I will always miss your smile and miss being one of the reasons you are smiling.
that I will miss the fun nights we had together when we just had the times of our lives.

I will always miss you..ALWAYS, no matter how far down along the road it is or how much of our lives we have lived without each other.
that even if I move on, and I am with someone else, I could never share with them what I shared with you.
I will never forget that day I realized I was in love with you.
you will never be replaced.
I will never forget the rides in your car.
I will never forget all that we went through together and all the feelings I got to experience for the first time because of you.
that I will always remember the way you touched my face when you kissed me.
I will never forget the late nights we spent together.
that I will never be able to get the same feelings from anyone else that you have given to me through all of this.
that you will never find someone who loved you as much as I loved you.
that I will never forget when you told me you could spend the rest of your life with me.
that I will never forget the times you talked about "when we are married" or "when we have kids".
that I will always remember how good it made me feel when you called me honey.
that I am so sorry for every feeling of pain I ever caused you and I hope that you never have to feel it again.
I will never forget the times you took care of me and made sure that I was ok, and would not leave me until you knew that I would be ok.
I will never forget all the hard times we went through and how we got through all of them together.
that I will always remember what we built together, the bond we had.
that I will never forget how you helped me through so much even when you just hugged me and told me that it was going to be ok.
that I will always remember that you were my first love, and that that feeling will never die, it will stay with me, forever, for the rest of my life.
that I will always be thinking about you, wondering if you're happy and if you miss us.

that I am so glad that you came into my life when you did, no matter how short that time was.
that I will always remember how perfect you were for me, and that I loved everything about you, and I love you more for your imperfections.
and I promise you that I will always remember EVERYTHING we shared together, the feelings, the love, the times, the places we went together, and everything we experienced because of each other.

P.S.

I love you.

Un jour mon prince viendra....

Must be rough to get to wear clothes like these and look as beautiful as this. Oh, and don't forget the private plane and the whole living in a castle part of the deal.....

Suppose I called you up tonight and told you that I love you...

I love this. I'm totally buying her new cd now. Carrie Underwood kicks ass and has joined Mariska Hargitay on my list of girl crushes. Reba is there too btw. But I'll post her video later. :D

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Ovh-LW0YBQU

Sugar and spice and everything nice...

Hotness Overload!

I just want to say that I have a total girl crush on Mariska Hargitay. (For those of you uncultured swine out there who think that my saying that has some lesbi-onic meaning, I highly suggest you google the term "girl crush" and read the article from the NY Times. And because I know there's all of one person reading this: http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/11/fashion/thursdaystyles/11CRUSH.html)

Back to Mariska. She is flippin' beautiful and she's so kind! I've actually personally talked to her and she just amazes me more every time. Her husband's not too ugly, either. So, in honor of my undying devotion to Mariska, I'm going to gratuitously post pics of her and my other, completely heterosexual crush, Christopher Meloni.....*sigh*....

And now Chris:

Parce que JE VEUX....

La France me manque. Mailliez me manque. Mere Marie Antonin, Mere Anne Sophie, Mere Ste. Marie, Mere Muriel Marie Michael, Mere Agnes Marie, Mere Marie Noella, Mere Madeleine Dominique, Mere Marie, Mere Veronique Therese, Mere Marie Theophane, Mere Marie Andre, Mere Marie Jean de l'Eucharistie, Mere Marie Martine, Mere Marie Therese, Mere Helene Cecile et Mere Agnes Dominique me manquent. C'est pas juste. Je n'arriverai jamais comprendre. C'est completement nulle. Je reve de St. Manvieu presque chaque soir et je suis heureuse pour plusieurs heures. Mais il faut me reveillier and je me souviens quand je me leve que je ne suis plus a St. Manvieu et mon coeur est creve encore. Mes amis a l'ecole me manquent, comme Melanie et Celine et Felicite et Marie Therese. Elle surtout. Elle ne va pas comprendre pourquoi je n'etais pas la. Je veux parler francais mais il y a personne qui peut le parler avec moi. Mme Van Houtte me manque. La vie n'est pas belle chez moi ce soir. Et c'est mon anniversaire. Mon coeur est creve. Qu'est-ce que je vais faire?!

I am not resigned....

After a while you learn the subtle difference

between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and

company doesn't mean security.

And you being to learn that kisses aren't contracts

and presents aren't promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head

up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today

because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.

After a while you learn that even sunshine hurts

if you get too much.

So plant your own garden and decorate you own soul,

instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure...

That you really are strong,

And you really do have worth.

Dirge without Music

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.

So it is and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:

Into the darkness they go,

The wise and the lovely.

Crowned.

With lilies and laurels they go; but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.

Be one with the dull, indiscriminate dust.

A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,

A formula, a phrase remains, -- but the best is lost.

The answers quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love, --

They are gone. They are gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled

Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom.

I know. But I do not approve.

More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave

Quietly they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;

Gently they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.

I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

~Edna St. Vincent Millay

"My theme is memory, that winged host that soared about me one grey morning of war-time.

These memories, which are my life -- for we possess nothing certainly except the past -- were always with me...

These memories are the memorials and pledges of the vital hours of a lifetime. These hours of afflatus in the human spirit, the springs of art, are, in their mystery, akin to the epochs of history, when a race which for centuries has lived content, unknown, behind its own frontiers, digging, eating, sleeping, begetting, doing what was requisite for survival and nothing else, will, for a generation or two, stupefy the world; commit all manners of crime, perhaps; follow the wildest chimeras, go down in the end of agony, but leave behind a record of new heights scaled and new rewards won for all mankind; the vision fades, the soul sickens, and the routine of survival starts again.

The human soul enjoys these rare, classic periods, but apart from them, we are seldom single or unique; we keep company in this world with a hoard of abstractions and reflections and counterfeits of ourselves --- the sensual man, the economic man, the man of reason, the beast, the machine and the sleep-walker, and heaven knows what besides, all in our own image, indistinguishable from ourselves to the outward eye. We get born along, out of sight in the press, unresisting, til we get the chance to drop behind unnoticed, or to dodge down a side street, pause, breathe freely and take our bearings, or to push ahead, outdistance our shadows, lead them a dance, so that when at length they catch up with us, they look at one another askance, knowing we have a secret we shall never share."

~Evelyn Waugh, Brideshead Revisited